Autism Acceptance

My daughter whispered to me at the supper table “maybe we can get Max something?” This was after I told her that April 2nd is Autism Acceptance Day. Maybe she thought it was like Mother’s Day. If you’re a mom on Mother’s Day you might get flowers and breakfast in bed…if you have Autism on Autism Acceptance Day you might get a new train? Something that spins, lights up, or cuddles you?
I told Max I wanted to write something to help people understand what the world is like for him. I went through a few ideas, but only one suggestion got a response. “Should I tell people if they give you more time to understand what they are saying or asking it will help you to figure stuff out?” Nod Nod..eyes wide and sparkling🙂💖
Every family has their different challenges. They learn what they are, they find ways to deal and succeed, they realize how lucky they are to have them. For in each challenge hides a bit of magic. You’ll discover it while you’re busy just doing your best. It will be hidden somewhere you never ever would have gone if you weren’t busy figuring out how to get through this world being the unique you that you are. You’ll feel stronger instead of weaker…and most of all you’ll realize how perfect your experience is. The truth and strength in knowing this, will be there to lean on when the days out on your own drain you of your certainty. Be certain of this. You were meant to be exactly who you are. You were meant to bring your unique qualities into the world to inspire someone. My momma taught me this and I just hope I am teaching my kids this as well as she did.

We know that autistic people inspire change. There’s a lot of changing that needs to happen in this world! The core is balance and sensitivities. Adjusting and thriving in unique situations as unique beings. Embracing differences. Embracing acceptance. Loving each other exactly as we appear to one another. Finding our voices. Finding peace.

Often, the first step toward positive change is reminding yourself how happy you are, right here. Right now.

That means loving 100% of you. And never wishing to be anything but 100% you.

Now look around your immediate environment. What is there that causes you discomfort. Start there. Make your space a place you always fit in. A comforting safe and happy place.

Change the things you cannot accept. The things your mind and body cannot thrive in the presence of.

Now here’s a shocker. If you have an autistic child you are very likely autistic as well. You or your spouse or both!

OHHHH is this why I threw up everyday on the bus or at school?

Is this why I spent a great deal of my time setting up new places to hide away from the rest of the world? In my walk in closet or the old tent out in the yard.

My incredible imagination, one word or story can cause a ripple of images to begin running through my mind.

Difficulty with certain light and motion, horribly strong aversion to certain smells, and fear of the unknown.

Overwhelming sense of being overwhelmed? I can describe my day to day as feeling like I’m out there with my brain, ear drums, and emotional heart, exposed. Sensitive? Yes I truly am.

I remember overhearing my dad say to my mom “She’s fragile, isn’t she?” Hmmm He could have said so much worse….how about…what a pain that she pukes everyday and has to be driven home by the bus driver or picked up in town.

Or why is she so quiet and shy. Why does she visit more with the cats and her stuffed toys than with other people. Haha

He had a soft spot for me as I believe he was on the spectrum too. He would avoid social gatherings like they were a pitri dish of ebola. Then on the other hand would do exactly what a good social person would do if company came. Cuz even if things are really difficult for you, you can learn it and apply it. It can leave you feeling run over and upset.

His upset showed up in incredible rage. Looking back I can understand the meltdown. Adults can still have meltdowns, it may appear childish or scary to other people, but it is simply the overwhelm of having had to put on a persona you believed you needed to put on and be in the presense of people or things that cause you imbalance.

Yes, there are so many things that are worth this feeling. It’s a really big battle figuring it out moment to moment. Maybe learning how much those things can affect an autistic person, not just in that moment, but afterwards, will earn us a pass more often than not. A pass with no judgement. Just know we are each doing our best in any and all given moments as we try to enjoy our world.

Spectrum…what a wonderful term. Soooo many variables and so many variances.

I will never be assessed, I mean I don’t think i will?….I have done the online quizzes…I score high on anything geared towards autistic females ….it’s actually comforting. At 44 years old it is so comforting to know that I don’t need to try so hard to “fit in”. I can be me. I can enjoy my quiet time. I can ask my husband to stop tapping the pen. I can be proud that I can’t lie, and I need to follow rules. I can stop forcing myself to look at people and give up discussing negative news. I can avoid social interaction at all costs hahha. It’s me! I have Facebook…I love to connect there. I love people and I feel your joy and pain..I have an intuition and dreams that I cherish. I care SO much it hurts. I want to protect every child and underdog and lost pet. I wish I could never see a bad thing…never hear a bad word said to someone. I feel everything 500%…..it’s fabulous…and it’s draining…and it’s me. After this many years I’ve also learned that if I DO want to thrive as this wonderful sensitive being I need to take care of myself. So as much as I do care and hurt for all of life, I need to be careful not to fall into another slump of incredible gloom. I don’t know if it’s an autistic thing but throughout my life I have had many deep lows. It’s easy for me to have my happy, carefree, tuned in focus turn to worry and sadness. Defeat. I really really hate those times. They’re tough to pull myself out of. So I avoid things for many reasons. Sometimes knowing the added pressures will weigh on me and after I get through it I may be plummetting into a hole where I will stay for days, weeks, or months. Because this has happened again and again I know I need to be very careful with what I plan for my day to day. From what I watch on the news to places I go. This past year I added “pick up” groceries to my routine. And removed long stressful trips to the store. It has helped so so much.

The part I like least is that with all the taking away, you can often feel very alone. But I do know a few good people who would likely be open to a note back and forth and nothing more haha. I guess it gets harder to reach out the more you pull away though. So I normally just pull through stuff and the sun rises again and we all keep on trying our best. I get incredible joy from being a mom and from writing. I think as I relate more authentically I will find even more peace in that as well.

I never ever would have thought about myself and how I fit into this intricate puzzle if I hadn’t had Max. Max is obviously very special. I love that he goes to school each day and is respected and valued by most. I feel saddest for those who have yet to recognize the importance of respecting those who are different or those who take advantage of those when they are in their most vulnerable moments. I suppose they may be struggling with their own sense of worthiness, love, or respect.

I will always wrap him in my bubble wrap hug and make sure he is guided gently. Meanwhile he carries his poky wit and determination, popping those silly bubbles as he sees fit. I trust him to do it when he’s ready.

I wouldn’t change one thing. I wouldn’t go back to my childhood and get any special help….because I got to see the world through my eyes…through my eyes trying so hard to see it through yours. Now I know how important it is …the most important thing for all of us is to be who we are… exactly how we feel, exactly how we perceive. To know it’s not only OK, but required, to follow the beat of our own drum.

My wish for reality. To live in a world where we all accept each other . Wow how generous. I accept you. I appreciate you. I would appreciate it if you appreciate me. Just me. Not the things you think I should do. Not the things you think I should be saying and thinking. Just me and my mind, and my ideas, and my wishes.

Once you know someones story you realize so much. It may be things about them…it may be things about you. A little more understanding, and acceptance will shine a little more light.