Mother’s Day

As Mother’s Day approaches I always begin the assessment

Am I doing enough?

Do I give enough?

Are my children happy?

Am I happy?

 

My kids laugh and have fun.

They are caring and creative.

They are kind to people and pets.

They get excited about certain daring new adventures,

They are cautious of others.

My kids are strong, brave, and determined.

When I’m low, they comfort me in ways they have seen me comfort them.

Or in ways they aren’t even aware.
There are things we are working on, like people do in this step by step life journey.
So good…

I have a list of good stuff,

all about them.

Maybe I’m doing a pretty good job!
But you know what?
It’s not because of me and me alone.  Ok clearly, but this needs to be said!

 

Moms offer a wide variety of knowledge and advice. Comfort and love.  We are each carrying our own bag of tricks that we have gathered from each of our unique stops along the way.  And from each of our own important people ,the good the bad and the indescribable.

 

But I cannot be this mom without…

 

Their dad who gives so much of himself at work and at home. Who sparks their determination and gives them the confidence to try. Who plans and navigates our adventures. Who has been found setting up intricate tracks and watching YouTube videos on how to create even more intricate loom bracelets. Yup that’s my husband.
Without their grandma who taught them to hold her hand and look both ways. Who takes them to the park.  Who gives them a happy place when the ups and downs of the day take their toll. Who has shown them how to bake bread who has let them make a mess cuz it’s ok to get messy. Who listens forever and watches performances forever who makes up stories and rubs their feet.
Without uncles and aunts who light up their days and leave such lasting impressions that years can pass, but the feeling of love and acceptance never does.  The whacky nicknames that will stick.  Forever.
Without their teachers who are, well, teachers. I cannot even begin to comprehend what it’s like to be a teacher these days. They are mothers and fathers to our children for a large portion of their lives. From learning basics to learning things I need to google to manners and friendships and the big exciting world.

 

Without their friends who offer new ways of thinking and seeing. Who perhaps force them to look at their beliefs and make it harder to choose what they have come to know as right. Who join them in their path as explorers of this big world of possibilities.  Who get silly and laugh with them into a full case of gigglitis.

 

Without my friends who have taught me about strength. Who have given me the strength to keep going when things were bleak. Who have heard my inner thoughts from the basements of those inner thoughts. Who have made me feel special. Who take time when they have none to remind me how much they care.
Without the bus driver who gave up a little more of his free time to let my son hop onto his big shiny bus.  There he was jumping and smiling as the bus approached. The kids got off and we assumed we would wave as it sped away. But that beautiful soul waved him in.
Without the busy waitress who showed interest and patience as we attempted to use an iPad to order. 🙂 He did. She took my sons order that he chose and communicated all by himself.
Without the music teacher who provided an amazingly warm and welcoming environment along with wildly encouraging guidance to my shy and sensitive lil singer. Creating a lasting love for all things musical.
Without the gymnastics coach who showed her how strong she is. And how thrilling it can be to push your limits and succeed.
I am a mother

Part of my job is to recognize and embrace our wide circle of pivotal people.

So hey everyone, “THANK YOU!!”

Never underestimate your role when you cross the path of a child!

Or of course, their mom.

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You want me to carry you? Good!

Why do I carry my 5 year old?

I know I get crazy looks as I chug by with my sweet L’il boy wrapped around me, legs twisted around so tight.  I don’t care.  I really don’t.  Stare all you like.  I’ll tell you a little bit about my son so you’ll know that you’re witnessing one of few very special moments I get with my son.

My son has been behind his entire life.  With every milestone.  I bottle fed him longer and I tried to get him to eat solids much, much longer than most and I tried to help him crawl and walk a lot longer too.  I tried to get him to sleep happily for months and months and months.   I tried to get him to talk and still do.  These days I try to get him to connect with me.   When he does, I want to sit with him or hold him or lay with him and shut the rest of the world out.  Heading into my daughter’s school is one of those times that always seem to be ours.

I’ve just picked him up from his school and we are alone for the 15 minute drive.  We put the windows down and off we go. I ask the same questions.  Did you have a good day?  Are you tired?  Do you want a drink?  Are you hungry?  He will nod for all of these or not seem to hear me at all.  Once we park he climbs up into the front seat to sit on my lap and buckle us in.  He LOVES seatbelts!  We pull it too far as I say ah aaaa Ahhh then he lets it go as I say ACHOOO!  It’s a complete exact repeat every school day. Then we get out and he usually hears a bird or plane and will motion his hand towards it.  He’s very pleased if he can discover something to show me.   We stop at the corner so he can make sure not to miss any cool trucks going by.  His favourite will always be a lil school bus.  Rare thing for us to see here.  He giggles with me and clings to me and looks at me.  He presses his cheek against mine and we look at each other suspiciously until we crack up.  When we walk together and he requests a lift I can’t refuse him.  Oneday he won’t want me to carry him.  And what if that day he hasn’t snuggled with me?  What if we don’t get any special Max and mommy time that day at all?  He doesn’t talk so he can’t just have random conversations throughout the day.  He gets immersed in anything he’s doing so I can’t always break into his world.  It’s those few magic moments in our routine of the day that belong to us.  I want to enjoy them and truly wish they could last forever.  When I have him held tight to me I feel I can do anything. I am strong and he is protected except it’s me that is the one who is being protected.  My little boy shields me and reminds me what to hold onto.  He helps me let go of silly worries and uncertainty.   He is so lovely and joyful.   It may just look like he is being treated like a baby but this is not the case. It’s just a mom and her son trying to soak up any chance of connection there might be however it may look or appear to keep him from achieving independence. Don’t worry, he keeps growing and keeps learning and changing and getting older and more grown up.  We walk as a family a lot and he puts in his share of miles all on his own.  I’ve never met a more determined person than Max.  I step aside when he wants to do something himself.  I have seen him start using the big kids swing and now he has started riding a bike with training wheels.  (I would never have thought it was time but his daddy knew better) It’s a beautiful thing to see your child thrive and try new things.   It’s also obvious that these tiny little steps we take together will oneday end.

I carry my 5 year old.   It gives me a guaranteed moment of cuddly closeness with my son.  I know I’ll get him to look at me at least once eye to eye.  I know I’ll get a smile.  I know we will share an observation.  I will hold onto this for as long as he will let me.