Tick tock

Well we didn’t get lice.  I did turn 40 though.  So that took longer than I thought.  First there was about a month of mental prep and the rush orders of various survival items like special honey, vitamins and strange oils.  I added a few hundred supplements and now we wait.  It sure does seem that something DINGS when 40 hits and certain body parts just give up or stop caring that you may still need them.  I bought a mini stepper that I’ve used once and I’m pretty sure I’ve injured myself and may never be able to kneel down like a 39 year old ever, ever, again.

There are things you take for granted in your 30s.  Things like going to sleep and not needing to pee until you wake up.  Things like being able to fall asleep in the first place.  Things like being warm when it’s warm and cold when it’s cold.  But now,  you will be HOT when it’s cold…you will be cold when you’re bundled up.  NOW you will be “thinking” (or having uncontrollably racing thoughts) at midnight, and 1,,or 2.  You will finally fall asleep and that glass of water you used to swallow that B vitamin you likely need will wake you up to go potty.

There’s a lot of thoughts in my head as I age.  Will I be healthy and strong for a LONG time?  Will I be able to carry Max much longer?  He doesn’t need me to carry him….he can walk.  BUT if we go for a walk and he looks up at me and clings to my leg of course I want to pick him up.  He gets tired sometimes.  I always wonder how independent he will be when he’s older.  If I die, who would treasure him and wait on him like me?  He’s become SO independent lately with everyday tasks.  He pushes me away to get out of the truck himself.  He unbuckles the second the truck stops.  His lil thumb gets ready when we turn into the drive and CLICK it goes as we halt.  The first day he did it I thought OMG NOOOOOOOO but he figured it out and uses the skill appropriately now.  Just one scary first day.

This week he sat on the “big kids swing” by himself.  “Wait…what are you doing?  You’re getting on the big kids swing?  This is for big kids…you’re my baby!!!”  But he did it.  And there he was swinging all on his own.  I used to be able to cover Max in kisses…he now wipes them off.  One by one.  We used to have to feed Max bite by bite.  We still do a lot of this but tonight at supper he stabbed his own sausage with his little fork.  He even dipped it in ketchup.  That entire ketchup dipped sausage made it into his little mouth!  It’s funny because we have had many triumphant moments in the world of Maxim’s eating.  Moments we thought were setting the bar for the future.  heheh These moments come and sometimes stay.  But they can also pass.  And not be seen again for days or months.

Change is always scary.  Then it usually turns out to be not as bad or better than we thought.  I could tell myself that this has been proven time and time again and next time I get all worked up I could maybe not worry as much.  So I’ll let go of the fact that I may never feel like 20 year old me again.  I’ll embrace the fact that I am a very happy 40 year old me.  I’ll let go of unbuckling my son cuz he doesn’t know how and embrace that he’s so interested in learning these things and using them ON HIS OWN.  Besides, I still get to zip his coat….. and he would still much rather be hoisted into the lil kids swing and be pushed.  tick tock tick tock

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3 thoughts on “Tick tock

  1. Dear Bonnie, seems like you are in the fourthy crisis… Don’t worry this also pass on… I am so very happy for you and Max for his progress! I was thinking as I read you; could it be a form of arthritis you nos have in your joints? Please check this with your doctor!… It awfunt start like that!
    So, Happy Birthday from a far away old lady who admire you 🙂 kisses

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    1. Thank you so much Esther!!! Your comments always make my day! You’re right about arthritis too ..I’ve had it for years! Xoxo

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  2. I have come to the realization after reading this that I too am 40….which is weird because my birth certificate says otherwise. I lost 2 years somewhere!?! A year per kid maybe!?! lol

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